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Approaching girls

by /u/NutInIceCream · 1 votes · 5 days ago

So I saw a podcast lead by a girls on dating. They said that they want a men to always approach them whenever they want to date.

I thought of it, I never approach women. But why don't I do that?

Generally bad experience.

1) I don't know, are they free or not? Maybe fear of rejection. I don't know. Most are just not free.

2) I don't want them to think of me as a creepy guy or even worse, end up with rape allegations.

3) I bust a nut and I no longer want to talk to women. So I probably don't really want them right?

What are your thoughts? Especially the point 3... There is just no other reason for me to want to approach women besides sexual gratification... That doesn't seem like a good reason.

Comments (31)
/u/FUDPolice · 5 votes · 5 days ago · Link

Most dating occurs online these days.

Sounds like 1 & 2 has possible positioned you to porn 3, objectifying women rather than putting yourself out there to find out what other amazing qualities they have besides sexual gratification.

Some women do prefer a confident approach. But you have to be ok with rejection #1, read their body language and what they're communicating to you to understand their boundaries and interest levels (consent) which addresses #2.

You're not going to get a rape allegation for simply saying hello to a female unless you're approaching underage girls. But that doesn't mean you can just go and touch someone.

The art of seduction is a process of slow increments, and a dance of sorts in how you communicate to one another verbally and physically.

You wouldn't go start by throwing your tongue down someones throat, but if you're getting good signals, can hold a hand etc. Are they holding on with interest or looking very uncomfortable and wanting to run for the hills?

It depends a lot on the environment you're approaching a person. Matching on an app, going for a drink, you're already at a level where you can guage a bit better.

You'd not try and hold someones hand you just met at the supermarket. You may get a phone number though. In a drinking environment, you'll have some girls giving very clear fuck off signals, some perhaps open to an approach and some that are just being friendly.

Some guys work consent in with the pickup approach. So say you're clicking in a bar, you feel you've got the right signals, you can ask for a kiss as part of a playful pickup style invitation, slightly lean in, pause and see again whether it's what they want. If they're not coming to meet you the other half, then it's time to walk away.

Consent is a continuous process, if you're not sure ask.

You'd probably get better advice asking some close female friends on ways you can improve your approach.

/u/beermenow · 1 votes · 5 days ago · Link

At the risk of being called a misogynist, I have yet to meet a girl that has so called other amazing qualities besides sexual gratification. They're generally the most illogical, irrational and emotional creatures you can come across. Though I have to add that a significant amount of men share those traits, though they generally express them in a different manner.

I'd put the ratio for women at a 99% useless for anything but sexual gratification and men at 93% useless for anything but whatever they can do for you.

There's only a slight percentage of the population in general that are fun to be around just because of who they are.

And no I'm not an incel virgin and/or recluse social incompetent retard that never leaves his mom's basement. This opinion is based on actual real-life experience with people from various countries and cultures, rather than a red-pill group on reddit or something in that nature.

As for the OP, approaching random stranger females is useless. Just frequent plenty of social gatherings and do your own thing, and when one of the girls around is the slightest bit interested in you, she will start talking to you. Men pretty much never "score" girls. Girls are generally always the ones who choose their sexual partners, barring a few exceptions. The men who think they "scored" them didn't really "score" them. They just didn't fuck up the chances the girl gave them in the first place, usually based on their looks, status, social energy, etc.

Although doing your own thing can definitely include making a comment to a girl that does something that interests you for some reason, which is a form of approaching.

/u/FUDPolice · 3 votes · 5 days ago · Link

I love an intro that reads i'm not a XYZ but...

Often it's a soft intro to exactly what they're about.

Perhaps you have some existing traumas that make you feel that way, or haven't allowed yourself a deeper connection with the right person/s to get to know the opposite sex completely.

/u/footsteps · 1 votes · 4 days ago · Link

Novody likes people whose only response is to indulge in obvious trolling, as you are doing here.

/u/FUDPolice · 1 votes · 4 days ago · Link

Says the person with the rapey vibes =)

/u/beermenow · -1 votes · 5 days ago · Link

Give a concrete example of these esotheric qualities that you describe or stfu bro. I can give plenty of concrete examples for friends of mine that are just fun to be around.

They're fun to be around because they dgaf, they fuck with the status quo whenever it's bullshit, they always admit when they're wrong if you provide an argument, and never allow emotion to take the upper hand, etc.

If you have met females like that, I'm seriously jealous of you. I'd love to fucking meet a female like that. Because every single one of the thousands I've met over the course of my life has had some point of contention about some subject/issue where they're just a total normie, they throw all their critical thinking out the window, and I just totally lose all respect. Again not a misogynist. This is true for 93% of males I've met before also, as I stated before.

Then again, maybe you just prioritize other qualities as important than I do, and maybe you're already happy enough when someone is nice enough to cook you dinner.

/u/FUDPolice · 2 votes · 5 days ago · Link

Sounds like you just don't like some human qualities.

Never allow emotions to take the upper hand is a high bar. You'd have to be either a Monk, emotionless or a psychopath.

Surrounding yourself with only people that have the same personality traits, values, ideological views as you would be boring as fuck. Sometimes you need a point of difference. That's the spice of life.

Critical thinking is gender less. Cooking is a socially constructed stereotype.

I know plenty of women that will admit when they're wrong, it helps when you're a good communicator and have the wisdom to look internally and yourself admit when you're wrong. A relationship that's predicated by proving points all the time, only serves to validate your self ego. Often leads to arguments where emotions get the "upper hand".

It kinda sounds like the ideal 7% you describe are the lads you talk shit with over a beer. They're good to have, but if you had to fill your life with just that you'd end up finding the same problems.

/u/beermenow · 0 votes · 5 days ago · Link

Funny how you keep criticizing my view and not answering my question about your view. Name the fucking qualities.

But to go deeper into your comment

>>I know plenty of women that will admit when they're wrong

No fucking shit sherlock. 99% of women, unless they're a total narcissist, will a majority percentage of their life admit when they're wrong when presented with a valid counterargument. The problem is: NOT ALWAYS. And the problem with that is, if you accept the 'not always' worldview, at what point do you draw the line?

Adhering to logic is imo the bare minimum you should expect in a long term relationship, sexual, or otherwise.

>>Never allow emotions to take the upper hand is a high bar.

Anyone can lose their shit one night sure, I'm talking about people who lose their shit and have it fester for extended periods of time. Meaning days, to weeks, to months. I don't need that shit in my life.

>>It kinda sounds like the ideal 7% you describe are the lads you talk shit with over a beer. They're good to have, but if you had to fill your life with just that you'd end up finding the same problems.

No, I'm talking about people who I've known for decades, have lived together with, have gone on holidays with, have worked together with, etc.

>Critical thinking is gender less.

I said 99% of females and 93% of males. Not 100% of females, and 93% of males.

>> Cooking is a socially constructed stereotype.

Just an example out of annoyance, because you sounded like someone who gets all warm and fuzzy inside when some girl is cuddly enough to put her hand around his shoulder while watching a movie on the couch, and I assumed these were the so called amazing other qualities you were referring to.

/u/FUDPolice · 1 votes · 5 days ago · Link

Couch cuddles is a behaviour not a quality.

Resilience. Resilience to put up with misogyny perhaps.

Kindness. To treat you with respect even if they aren't getting it in return.

Bold. To stand up to you arguing that they're wrong.

Humility.

Supportive.

Caring.

Creative.

Intelligent.

Nurturing.

Generous.

Authentic.

Compassionate.

Forgiving.

Trustworthy.

There you go bro. Some qualities.

I don't want to sound rude. But typically your view is often grounded in some deep seeded childhood traumas. What's your relationship like with your parents?

/u/beermenow · 1 votes · 5 days ago · Link

Those are indeed worthwhile qualities. As long as they are not mixed in with their antonyms in a proportion lower than 99/1.

Again if you have met females like that, I'm seriously jealous of you. I fucking wish...

/u/FUDPolice · 1 votes · 5 days ago · Link

As i said earlier i think you're perhaps one of those people that just don't like the flaws humans have.

Without putting percentages on them. They're gender less flaws.

I've met some exceptional females, none that would meet your bar, but i can't say I would or any other male i've met either.

Lots of those traits you don't like often with the right personal development support come with maturity.

But humans are by nature flawed. We're not perfect, and it'd be boring if we all shared the same views and acted the same.

/u/beermenow · 2 votes · 5 days ago · Link

>>As i said earlier i think you're perhaps one of those people that just don't like the flaws humans have.

I might be one of those yeah. Is that so much of a surprise in a world where 1/8th of the population is hungry, yet about 30% of global food production is literally thrown in the trash? Allthewhile we keep breeding more humans into existence. Yet I'm supposedly the crazy one with the "high bar".

>>Without putting percentages on them. They're gender less flaws.

Define genderless. Maybe they are, maybe they're not. Gotta be honest, I don't know for a fact if my sample size of thousands of people over a lifetime is statistically significant to draw any conclusions for the entire population of 8 billion.

I can agree intuitively however that they're probably genderless due to the ways females and males are treated differently during their upbringing all across the world. Generally speaking the pressure to conform, especially in certain specific areas of our societies, is exerted much more on females than on males, which might be the driving factor between the difference that I've observed over the course of my life.

>>I've met some exceptional females, none that would meet your bar, but i can't say I would or any other male i've met either.

I can count the amount of males I've met over the course of my life that fit that bar on two hands. And I'm quite confident I've talked extensively about a variety of subjects to more people than your average citizen.

So I'm not too surprised you haven't met any females, nor males that fit this bar.

Full disclosure: the amount of men I've talked to in my life is also higher than the amount of females, so that might also be a contributing factor. Although that factor is also offset by the fact that more men have been WILLING to talk to me extensively to a point where I can form an informed opinion about their views than females have been.

"Lots of those traits you don't like often with the right personal development support come with maturity."

Agree

>>But humans are by nature flawed. We're not perfect

Agree, but the bar should be higher.

>>and it'd be boring if we all shared the same views and acted the same

To a point agree, but to a larger point disagree. There are some universal values that most people lack, that would overall make the world a better and more interesting place.

/u/FUDPolice · 1 votes · 5 days ago · Link

I say they're gender less traits because it's not really a genetic thing rather than social learning.

Go join ISLAM and you'll find a very different version of a women. Probably won't get arguments, you'll always be right, they'll always admit they are wrong because if they don't they'll be stoned to death.

Social structures play a large role in shaping ones identity, knowledge, interests etc. There's no genetic reason why men are typically more interested in computers and crypto, but society says it's "geeky" and geeky is depicted in films as the pimpled kid who doesn't get girls and stays in the basement with grandma till they're 50.

It's only more recently that depictions of a successful and attractive man could be geeky. Elon Musk back in paypal days was slouchy, bald, lacked emotional maturity and was just all round geeky. Slap some hair on his head, send him to the gym and as the richest person in the world he's now the Tony Stark of the world with whatever young model / celeb he wants to sling off his shoulder.

But in reality, he's still fundamentally the same person he always ever was.

So yeah, you may have less philosophical discussions on something your interested in i.e cyrypto with a female then perhaps a male.

That's why i mentioned the % you like probably have more shared interests and values as you do. We attract to people who are "like us" which goes back to the day you were born and the environment you were brought up in.

/u/beermenow · 1 votes · 5 days ago · Link

Hence me saying this:

I can agree intuitively however that they're probably genderless due to the ways females and males are treated differently during their upbringing all across the world. Generally speaking the pressure to conform, especially in certain specific areas of our societies, is exerted much more on females than on males, which might be the driving factor between the difference that I've observed over the course of my life.

And this:

Full disclosure: the amount of men I've talked to in my life is also higher than the amount of females, so that might also be a contributing factor. Although that factor is also offset by the fact that more men have been WILLING to talk to me extensively to a point where I can form an informed opinion about their views than females have been.

And just as an FYI: Elon Musk is only the Tony Stark of the world for random fanboy idiots. For someone capable of critical thought and accurate memory, he's nothing more than the male version of Elizabeth Holmes.

/u/footsteps · 1 votes · 4 days ago · Link

Those qualities are not unique to any category of human.

/u/beermenow · 1 votes · 5 days ago · Link

I should add: approaching might be useful if you lack confidence and social skills. Just don't go at it with a mindset of getting laid. Go at it with the mindset of it helping you develop a dgaf-attitude and allowing you to learn to just fucking relax in a social setting.

/u/footsteps · 1 votes · 4 days ago · Link

I tend to agree. A wise man once said that women make sense if you think of them as children.

I've seen the most educated professional women acting like swooning 15-year-old whores in the presence of a pretty boy. Women are intensely shallow, and will ignore or rage at a man's comments based mainly on how attractive the man is.

It's not wealth, or looks, or even "confidence" that attracts women, but basic psychological manipulation techniques that form part of conditioning.

There is no free will, no consent, human brains are constantly calculating in the background, doing most of the decision-making before the conscious executive is even aware of a decision it's making.

That notwithstanding, i generally agree with you, and not with "u/FUDpolice", who comes across as a tedious puff.

/u/NutInIceCream OP · 1 votes · 5 days ago · Link

Thank you for your, detailed, answer.

Yes... It happens online. But for an outsider, such as me... Who barely uses his phone due to privacy reasons. Pretty stuck. It would be so much easier if I had IG profile. Privacy reasons aside. I even considered I would register there, but damn... I never used it and it took its tool on me. What would I post there, who would I follow? OK OK. But I get your point. This is just my excuse on my part, I get it.

About amazing qualities, you are right. I don't know about any. If I knew about some, it would've been so much easier.

The art of seduction is a process of slow increments, and a dance of sorts in how you communicate to one another verbally and physically.

Yes... This is a problem for me. A huge one. I just lose it all. It all takes so much time! And I get it. You can't just trust anyone immediately. But damn.... I just always get to the point ... Why should I therefore invest so much of my time just for the sex part, I can always just jerk one off. Which probably brings us back to the qualities.

But otherwise, yes. I think I can agree.

Thank you

/u/FUDPolice · 1 votes · 5 days ago · Link

You don't need an instagram to date someone.

Download one of the dating apps, put up some pictures and off you go.

Different apps are there for different purposes. If you're not getting the matches or interactions you hoped for, research the others and try a different one.

Hinge can be good if you're looking for something a bit more serious. Tinder by the sounds you may not enjoy. Bumble is another option. Feeld if you're a kinky person and just want some NSA fun.

In order to understand women, you need to get to know some. Start there. The more you get to know them, perhaps the more you might appreciate beyond the pornhub dopamine hit you're getting without much effort.

/u/footsteps · 1 votes · 4 days ago · Link

"consent" is an illusion, it doesn't really exist. Humans are constantly influenced and manipulated by people, situations, substances, around them, without being aware of it... The application of constant conditioning is what determines outcomes. All this nebulous shit about "signals" is a naive, wishful thinking idea based on the false notion of free will.

You will get the worst possible advice from women, who by default will describe some ideal process, and ditch it all the moment a hot man enters the room.

Chatting online can get you somewhere, but only really if the woman has limited options with whom to communicate. It has to be moving towards an inevitable.

/u/FUDPolice · 1 votes · 4 days ago · Link

[removed]

/u/AutoModerator M Fuck You · 0 votes · 4 days ago · Link

Meet Frank The DNM Enthusiast

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/u/FUDPolice · 1 votes · 4 days ago · Link

/u/shakybeats what you got cooking in automod?

/u/AutoModerator M Fuck You · 1 votes · 4 days ago · Link

shut up, faggot

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/u/FUDPolice · 1 votes · 4 days ago · Link

[removed]

/u/AutoModerator M Fuck You · 1 votes · 4 days ago · Link

Meet Frank The DNM Enthusiast

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/u/FUDPolice · 1 votes · 4 days ago · Link

It may be a illusion in your perceived reality. Not many share that viewpoint.

If you're influenced by a substance i.e alcohol then it could be deemed non consenting depending on the laws of where you live.

/u/AldoRaine · 1 votes · 5 days ago · Link

As a certified coxman (at the highest level) here are my suggestions to address your experience

1) If you are meeting in public settings - women who are free that are attracted to you will stare at you. If you catch them staring and make eye contact and find them attractive, that is the appropriate time to approach and introduce yourself.

2) Don't be creepy - Be respectful and authentic. If I saw a woman starting at me, I would approach her, look her in the eye and state, "I noticed we made a connection, my name is Aldo, what brings you here this evening?" I can't tell you what to talk about, but whenever you meet someone new, they will always appreciate if you ask them thoughtful questions.

3) You are probably not mature enough to begin dating. Sex is a physiological need, but there are other ways to exchange intimacy with the opposite sex. There are women too that are equally immature that just want to fuck. So better to look for women who have a similar view towards sex and you can find common ground and have a "fuck buddy". Perhaps that relationship can mature into something more meaningful and loving or you can just remain friends and enjoy each others company + sex. Once you're ready to appreciate other qualities that a woman can offer, then you should look for a woman who is also seeking something similar, in terms of romance and intimacy.

I love to date, I always thought of it as so much fun. I would love to meet someone new see what they are like and see if we can have fun together first. If you find out up front that the person you are dating prioritizes fun above seriousness, there's something to look forward to, having more fun times times together.

Cheers

/u/footsteps · 1 votes · 4 days ago · Link

So very American.

/u/AldoRaine · 1 votes · 4 days ago · Link

Fair point. So what are the views like where you are from?

/u/pinkyout · 1 votes · 4 days ago · Link

you got to stop thining of them as having a vajayjay and think of them as not having a dick and gay test. friend zone a ho and ask her when she feeling fresh n clean to hop on the dik. not many going for the give me that stinky.